Things became confusing !

Just before my mamaw passed my mother remarried for the 3rd time. My mamaw really liked him and called him smiley! Because he did , ALL the time . He was a great step dad... in the beggining . He later became an abusive alcoholic . I dont wish to make excuses for him but I believe he was driven crazy by his ex-wife . She gained custody of his 3 children who he had with a previous wife . (she had passed away) He was a military man and was gone most of the time. When he retired after 26 yrs. of service she wanted a divorce and custody ! She was a cruel woman . She would make the children call him and tell him they didnt want his gifts (x-mas , b-days etc. ) that they didnt love him or want to be with him . You could hear them cry through the phone as she would instruct them what to say . It literally drove him crazy ! I'm not going to say he did'nt believe in God or Jesus , however he was not a christian man or he could have made it through . Until that point , he was a great man and I loved him very very much. He became my daddy ! Things were very confusing for me . I was a child trying to see through things in the adult situations taking place around me . We did soooo much together ! We worked together and played together . I worked hard with him but was rewarded greatly in many ways. Learning to perform many tasks was rewarding for me as I grew older and applied them in my adult living . Rewarded in material things as well were also given . But the more I tried to be there for him , trying to help fill the void I knew he felt , things only got worse ! I prayed for him and my family . For I knew that for once in so many years that not only was I happy but my mother was as well . As things got worse I began to think that if I had not shown him such love and devotion to him then maybe he would not have missed them so much .!!It made me feel that I was only showing him what he was missing !! Instead of helping him to appreciate what he had . Needless to say , things became bad enough that divorce was the only option my mother felt she had . For me ..... I had lost yet another daddy !!!!! I was devastated again . Were'nt my prayers being heard ? What was happening ?My mother was great at explaining to us in ways a child could understand what was going on and why but I still didnt know why my prayers were not answered . I dont recall ever asking these things to my mother , maybe I should have . My oldest sister was also something I didnt grasp . She was my bestest friend growing up . I looked forward to being with her every day ! Then she became a teenager and I began to loose her . She had run away from sooooo many times . That too was devastating for me . I missed her and wanted her to be around .Then one day after my mom had gotten a great new job , she bought us a new house in a nice subdivision several miles away from the areas we used to live in . It was like a whole other world for me . New friends , new schools , (but I was use to these ) New streets , new shopping areas . Then one hot summer day while riding my bike with a friend I saw someone , I exclaimed to my new found friend that that girl back there looked like my sister who had run away !!!!!!! She told me I was crazy , that in no way was that my sister . Iwas just making it all up !! I insisted that we go back by again and again until we saw thoses people again . And guess what !! It WAS her !!! I hollored for her then stopped on the edge of the road . She came to me just as flabbergasted as I was to see her . She was full of questions .I was sooo glad to have found her .I remember telling her how to find our new house and allowed her to come and sneak some of her belongings. As time passed I told my mom about finding her and eventually she came back home . Of course, she left again and again . But she would try and keep some contact with me . Oh , how I would pray for her !!For her to be safe, to come home to me ! I never really understood why she would leave . Seems like I've always been the mediator of the family . Always trying to mend the broken whatevers between everyone . Things never really became clear for me , they just seemed to pass .