Understanding Prayer !

No one ever helped me to know how to pray, much less how to understand truly how they worked. Well you know , I was taught the common child like prayers . Such as , Now I lay me down to sleep , for bedtime and God is great , God is good , for our mealtime prayers . Dont get me wrong ! I in no way am pointing fingers at anyone for not learning any different . My mother did what she knew to do and did a great job of it : ) However , it left me searching for answers . Maybe for me that was a god thing ! Married at a early age for many different reasons . One because I was in love! , and two because I felt I was already running a home so why not just run one for myself . The man that I loved was several years ahead of me in age , worked every day for a decent wage and also was a great upholsterer . He was a little demanding in the beggining but not mean . As time passed he did show signs of being abusive , but I did not see them . I was warned , but could not see passed it all . Pregnancy came and things began to go from bad to worse . Always prayed ! And when things would get worse , I would pray harder . Then it got to the point that I felt Satan himself had a grip on me so bad that I began to question my prayers . Because every time I prayed , things got worse ! How could this be ? I couldnt make sense of it . I would pray things like , Please Lord let me be all that I can for him and help me to understand what it is that he needs from me so that we might have the life you desire . Things got worse . So more prayers . Please Lord help me to know what to do for him so that he can be well . Well , things continued to get even worse . Several times I had attempted to leave only to be held against my will . My son is approx. one year old at this time and I'm concerned for his welfare now too ! You must also know that at this point in my life my self esteem was at zero , I had been brain washed over a couple of years time and was Totally not thinking best at all . No friends , wasnt allowed to have any . Wasnt allowed to talk with family members on a regular basis . Had no phone . Was never allowed to have money in my pocket . Once while sick , in the grocery store with my husbands mother I had a terrible cough . It must have been an annoying one to others because she belted out , why dont you buy yourself some cough drops or something !!! I just wanted to crawl in a hole . I responded to tell her I had no money and she looked at me and said you mean to tell me you dont have 30 cents ? Well I dont remember what was said at that point if anything . So , I began to think about my prayers and what I was asking for . I was never told it ws ok for me to ask for prayers for ME . But I did and I asked JESUS to help me to leave safely without incident with my son ,and to provide me a way . I had no car or drivers license either . Then , one day when things were going pretty well in the home I found a quarter and I thought to myself this is not more than a phone call , hmmmm , a phone call . But how , or where . My mind began to rush with , if I could get a call to my mother then maybe she could come with a truck and pick us up . Well it wasnt that simple , she lived in another county about 30 or so miles away and he would leave every day for work at 8am , back home for lunch at 12 noon , and home for dinner by 5pm. Began to pack but couldnt too much or he would notice . So I would pack a little and shove under the beds , cabinets or wherever I thought he wouldnt look . For if he found out .... it would have been bad. A few days later I heard a new neighbor in our building . It was a young woman close to my age . I stopped her and exclaimed , I know you dont know me , but I really need your help. Do you have a phone? her answer was no , well I have this quarter and I know this is an unusual request but is there any way you could take it and make a call to my mother ? I'll write down everything I need for you to tell her , could you please ? I went on to explain my situation as she seemed very understanding . My time to leave was between 1 and 5 , no sooner no later ! Everything would be as usual so as not to stir things up . Only took what I felt I needed to take care of my son . Everything else was left . On the coffee table with his dinner I left a note . I never went back . Although I must tell you I had left before only to return . Never thought I would love someone so much like that again .!!! My prayers were being heard , and answered . It just took me some time to figure out that it was me who needed to be prayed for . That I needed to ask for me , and as soon as I did things began to fall into place . Although it was ok for me to pray for my husband , I was praying for the wrong things . And there are some things we just cant fix . I also had to learn the difference between loving someone , being in love with someone , or being in love with the past .!!!!! I've come along way sinse then . PRAYER IS GREAT !! Thank you JESUS !!!!!