Dating ! Could I ?

You mean to tell me , someone would even be interested ? Well if that just didnt beat all ! there actually was ! I didnt realize I was even attractive . After being told so much that I wasnt, It kind of sank in ya know. Well, I was allowed to be in the very first town pageant(1986) and came in first runner up ! Yeah ! It was the only time I would be allowed due to age requirments. It was a blast . Getting to know some of the other girls in town was fun and our host was a local D.J for a well known country music station .I was the last contestant to be asked a question (pulled from a hat ) and there was one extra in the hat to make it fair. So the last question in the hat I told our host was for me to ask him. Boy did that throw him off. But we had a blast. I couldnt begin to tell you what my question was , but I can tell you his. " What landmark would you use to navigate a passer through, thru town ?" His answer was the hottest new night club in at least a 50 mile radious. Everyone had a big laugh. Never thought I would come in the finals. Truly, I only did it for the experience and to be able to say I had been in the first pageant ever held in our small town. Again ... God showed me my worth. He gave me back something that was ripped from me. I still have issues today resulting from the marriage now so long ago took place. But I keep growing the best I can . So I did begin to date . And actually dated a few very special men. They seemed to understand the relationship I had been in and was very considerate to me and all my little quirps. : ) Thank you GOD for them, and all ther patience. My son was always a first when I dated. These men were told up front how I felt , that I had a son and it was a package deal. These men truly were special , they were all very accepting of us both. Sure we had some dates that were for just the 2 of us , but most of them were for 3 !! : ) The Lord continues to move me forward.

New Struggles

After leaving my husband , I moved back home with my mom. She allowed me and my son to live with her . It was a great thing , we needed a place to start a new life ! We began our new life by going back to church. I had many questions for the pastor about leaving my husband , and my marriage to him. Where do I start?, where do I belong ? Could I ever marry again ? Now I remind you that I really had no self-esteem so I also had questions like , now what am I supposed to do ? I have a son to raise , I have no high school diploma, no job, no drivers license, and no money ! Well , my mother allowed me to focus on being a mother first . My husband at the time was only ordered to pay $25.00 per week .No its not a type o . $25.00 per week was all I recieved. So I gave that to my mother to help with all the needs . In the mean time she saw to it that we were taken care of . In exchange for all that she did . I began to take care of the home. Cooking , cleaning , laundry ,even made out the bills. All she had to do was sign them . It worked out pretty well for all of us . My youngest sister still lived at home and attended school .We all attended church together and began to keep the nursery children after a while on sunday mornings and on wednesday nights . Later on my mother was allowed to start a new program , "Childrens Church". And I went on to help her with that . It was all alot of fun and educational for me as well as a healing time for me too ! My next struggles were what I call" the vicious circles". Everything that I needed to do was in the next town , 12 miles away ! To take GED classes, to take a drivers permit test , to get a job ,was all 12 miles away . Mom worked 2 jobs which kept her away for most all of the day and early evenings . She would come home , eat , shower and get ready for the next day . Just couldnt seem to get beyond the circle . Then one day I just got fed up with it all and started asking people that I knew from the local fire dept. and were taking classes themselves for computors and such if I could catch a ride with them in the evenings . So, I would catch a ride with one for the ride in and another for the ride home . That only worked for a little while because their classes ended . My next thought was maybe I could just go on and take the test ! Now my little sister would watch my son while I went to classes so that was a blessing too ! Well to take the GED test was about 30 miles away and was to be taken over a 2 day period, during the day . Whew, how was I ever going to get there ? was I even ready?How would I pay for it ?Who would watch my son?It was all so overwhelming for me!!! At this point I dont think my mother really wanted me to go further. Maybe she liked where I was at ! I know I owed her alot but I felt as tho she wanted to keep me in this shell. My mother was also the first woman firefighter in our small town, so I had made friends there as well as started a new chapter of womans auxillary. Then one day after talking to one of the other woman I'd made friends with she just blurted out "I'll take you both days and I'll watch your son ! Well...... This sure changed alot of things . She is a wonderful woman and mother of 6 . So I guess I was just another child under her wing so to speak!! She helped to change my world . The LORD is GREAT !! And I ask that the LORD bless each of those people that helped me to achieve my GED !! The test results of the GED test was just what I needed to keep going , 3 college level scores !! My self esteem was on the rise . This did not happen over night, it all took place over a 3 year time frame. It probably took a year just to begin to really make friends. But I did it and felt as tho I was back on the right track of life !!! Thank You JESUS !!!!